Merchant & Mills Camber Dress

How do I love this dress? Let me count the ways. 

1. It is an amazing linen-rayon blend from Bolt Fabric Boutique here in Portland.
2. It fits great. 
3. I love the look.
4. The pattern/construction were fabulous. 

So yes. It is the Merchant & Mills Camber Dress, and I am in LOVE!

I had read rave reviews of Merchant & Mills patterns before, but I don't know...something about the packaging and branding made me feel like the patterns were a bit frumpy and old-fashioned. But on a recent visit to Bolt, this Camber Set piqued my interest. I started to look at the dress as a silhouette instead of how it was presented on the envelope, and my vision unfolded. 

I wanted something modern, comfortable, flattering and streamlined. I wanted it to be easy and quick to sew but not without enough detail to keep my interest. 

And that is exactly what I got. 

I used my measurements and made a size 10. From looking at other bloggers' photos online, I think some people must have gone down a size as mine is less fitted than others. I like this look though, so I'm glad I stuck with it. It's very comfortable and will also have ample room for my chest after my surgery next month. I also decided to shorten the dress by 15cm after trying it on. I like the longer look, but this shorter length was more what I had in mind for this fabric. 

I love the exposed bias facing on the front of the neckline, and the yoke (shown above) adds a nice, unique touch. The fit is superb, and I can't wait to make a tee version, too. And who knows...I might just have to invest in some more Merchant & Mills patterns - this one is just that good!

Have you sewn Merchant & Mills? What do you think? 

Modified Simplicity 1377 Shorts from Upcycled Linen

Recently I was on a fact-finding mission at Nordstrom. That's what I call it when I'm actually shopping for shoes but telling my husband that I'm just looking for sewing inspiration. In reality, it's a bit of both. :P In this case, I spotted some great, casual shorts in the Madewell section that I knew I could easily copy(ish). 

The style is nothing new - short, athletic-style shorts with an elastic waist, curved hem and slash pockets. I considered a couple patterns that are very similar to this, but ultimately, I decided to go with Simplicity 1377 which I had previously muslined but never worked on beyond that initial fitting. I figured that all I'd have to do was straighten the pockets (the original line is curved) and add the curve to the hem. 

I made a size 12 which corresponded to my measurements. The back rise might be a bit short for anyone with a curvier bum - but I do not have much going on in that area, so it works perfectly for me. Here are the specific changes I made: 

1. Straightened the slash pocket openings
2. Did a line of topstitching along the center-front seam for a little extra detail
3. Traced around a saucer to curve the side seam edges
4. Did a narrow hem around the bottom edges BEFORE sewing together at the side seams (and after sewing the crotch seam)
5. Completed a second row of topstitching around the curved bottom hem because I didn't catch all of it in my stitching the first go and was too lazy to rip/redo. 
6. Bartacked where the side curves came together for extra strength. 

I had originally planned to bind the curved edges with bias binding, but I simply didn't have enough fabric to do so. 

The fabric is a lovely, rustic linen that I upcycled from a large women's skirt I purchased at Value Village for $6 I think. I LOVE shopping the women's dresses and skirts for great linens. I always seem to find the best colors, and I love that the fabric has a little bit of a worn-in look. Plus, it's cheap! This is a great option if you are a smaller size and are creative with your cutting. In this case, I had to cut perpendicular to the grain to get everything to fit. 

I am absolutely in love with these shorts and plan to use the exact same modifications for a few more. I might even add a drawstring to the casing or try the bias binding I previously mentioned. It might even be cool to make a longer, straight-hemmed pair like some James Perse ones I saw recently. 

The top is Simplicity 1071 which I previously blogged here. I love that it can be dressed up or down for lots of different looks (and that it's super comfy!). Shoes are Caswell by Timberland (affiliate link) and are the most comfortable flat sandals I have ever owned!

What do you think? Is your shorts-game ready for summer? 

My Decision to Undergo Plastic Surger(ies)

Writing this post feels completely overwhelming and freeing at the same time. There are so many questions buzzing around in my now-only-slighly-medicated head: How do I explain my decision? Which questions to I address? How will people respond? What if I end up completely regretting sharing here (or even having the procedures done at all?!)? But I have partially built my blog and social media following on my honestly, so I'm not about to stop that now. So here goes nothing. 

First, what is going on?

I had rhinoplasty (a nose job) yesterday - that's Tuesday, May 3. The photo above was taken today, the day after surgery. I have also scheduled a breast augmentation for June 7. 

And second, why am I sharing this on my blog and social media? This was a tough one. Truth is, the fact that people would be able to plainly see I'd had surgery was one of my reasons to NOT have surgery when I first started discussing the possibility with my husband. However, the desire to have these two procedures done far outweighed any concerns I had. I've developed (mostly) a very loyal and caring community here on the internet, and I have no reason to believe it wouldn't be supportive (even if not in agreement) with my decision. So with that, here I am, laying it all out there. 

The other, perhaps even greater, reason that I'm sharing is to show that yes, even "normal" people have plastic surgery - not just celebrities and models. And it doesn't have to be a huge secret. I know that a lot of women (and men) struggle with body issues - especially after having children. But from my discussions with friends, I know there's a huge stigma attached to plastic surgery.

It's funny, we're expected to look pretty and fit and to bounce back from having babies, yet we're judged if we seek out "artificial" means to correct any remaining issues. We're told to exercise more or use this cream or that makeup, but in reality, there are certain things that no amount of makeup or ab exercises are going to correct (sagging breasts, stretch marks, etc.). And besides - who has time for all that? I figure...we only live once - better to enjoy the body we're in rather than to constantly fixate on things I'd like to change. Of course, I'm exercising as much as I can with three small children at home, and I've lost all the baby weight. But you know, your body changes after kids. And three births in four years only exacerbates that. (Am I right?!)

And maybe this is all in my head (my husband says it is), but I feel society looks more negatively toward certain procedures than others. Getting braces to correct crooked teeth? No brainer. Changing one's hair color for cosmetic reasons or to cover gray? Necessary luxury. Wearing makeup to "accentuate" ones feature? Sure; almost everyone does it. But having surgery to dramatically improve one's appearance? (Or at least, one's perception of a better appearance.) Now THAT's something that people tend to keep secret. It's kind of a double-standard, you know? 

Yes, I understand that surgical procedures are more serious/life-threatening than getting braces or coloring one's hair. But the fact is that we all do what we need to do to feel good about ourselves, and according to my research, almost EVERYONE (especially women) has considered SOME kind of plastic surgery at one point or another. It's just that no one talks about it. Anyway. Let's move on. 

Why I Chose to Have These Procedures

I'll start with the nose. For as long as I can remember, I've hated my nose. I guess the earliest memory I have of being aware the size/shape of my nose was less-than-desirable was about fifth grade - maybe even younger. But I have a very distinct memory of being called "Witch! "Gonzo!" and "Nose!" on the playground in elementary school. 

My original nose had a dorsal hump, a tension tip (second bump closer to the tip), a drooping tip that only got lovelier (not) when I smiled, and it was also crooked to one side. It was also large and wide compared to the rest of my features. It has been that way since adolescence, and it has gotten worse as I've aged. Now, whether or not that was an actual physical thing or just mental, I don't know. But it was bothering me more and more. 

Here are some photos of my pre-surgery nose: 

In the left photo above, you can see the drooping tip when smiling. And on the right, you can see it is somewhat wide and crooked, and my nostrils do not show at all. Apparently, women's noses are more attractive when there is a small bit of nostril showing at the front and side (who knew?). 

Above is a decent shot of my profile where you can see the two bumps and drooping tip. This is the angle I almost always avoided in any photos - be they personal ones or those destined for the blog/social media. That's why you never saw this angle of my face unless it was very zoomed out and unnoticeable. I had even resorted to cropping out my head entirely from my blog photos recently. This was for two reasons - 1) to focus more on the clothes than on me (since this is a sewing blog) and 2) to avoid drawing attention to (what I perceived to be) my enormous shnoz.

I still remember knocking on my friend's beach house door the week after school let out when I was in about 5th grade. Her older sister had just graduated from high school, and she answered the door with bandages all over her face. I was scandalized. I was INTRIGUED! Had she had a nose job? You mean that's a thing?! I had all sorts of questions for my mom. I wanted that. 

But of course, it's really not a good idea for a pre-teen to have plastic surgery, and it most definitely wasn't in the family budget. So I just accepted the fact that I was ugly (or so I thought) and got on with my life. I went through some very awkward phases with big feet (size 8 in 3rd grade), the skinniest legs (105 pounds in 11th grade at the same height I am now) and obviously, my big nose. I wore t-shirts over my swimsuit until I graduated from high school, and I took meticulous measurements of all my body parts to see if I could "grow" them to be more in line with my nose and feet. It was ridiculous, looking back. (And, I should add, I hope to instill a much healthier body image in my daughter as she gets older!)

In my 20s, I made new friends, had short hair and was a bit of a party girl. I accepted my nose and the fact that I was kind of unusually thin and just went with it. I didn't give my nose much thought other than to make sure I was always facing the "right" angle for photos and such. I still hated it, but I accepted it, too. 

So recently, my husband noticed that I was having some self-esteem issues with my appearance after having three babies in four short years. Harper was born in 2011 when I was 30, and Finn in 2015 when I was 34. One morning, when I was feeling particularly down on myself, he told me I could consider getting my nose and boobs done since we were finally in a position to do so financially. (It was something he knew I had thought about a lot and had wanted at various points in my life.) At first, I was a bit taken aback. But before I could even let the negative thoughts enter into my head - "What, does he hate my nose? Are my boobs too ugly? Am I old and washed up? Does he think I'm disgusting? - He reassured me that it had zero to do with him and everything to do with making me happy. He wanted me to know he was making this offer to ME as MY decision if it was something *I* wanted to pursue - not him. 

After a couple weeks of soul searching and a lot of ups and downs, I decided to schedule some consultations. I started with the boobs (which I will get to shortly), and at the recommendation of that surgeon, I saw Dr. Petroff in Lake Oswego, Oregon who specializes in facial surgery/rhinoplasty. It was important to me that I used a specialist since I'd had previous septoplasty done (non-cosmetic) and since, well, my nose is kind of complicated. (I also went on another consult but was not impressed with the doctor's previous results.)

Dr. Petroff made me feel completely at ease and like he knew exactly what he was doing. He detailed his exact plan for giving me a more feminine, softer nose with a straighter bridge and tip. He also showed me examples of patients with noses similar to mine which he had successfully refined. Sold. And to my luck, they had an almost immediate opening because of a cancellation. I was booked within a week. 

Surgery was quite simple. My husband dropped me off at the surgical center (which was at Dr. Petroff's office) early since he had to take my two big kids to the dentist, so I did some work on my laptop and watched TV in their waiting room. Soon, they called me back and got me switched into my gown. The most painful part of the entire surgery was getting the IV in my hand (they had to stick me twice because I was dehydrated from not having anything to drink since the day before), but after that, I felt GRRREAT.

I was awake for the entire surgery but did not feel a thing. In fact, I found it a little interesting to be able to kind of see/hear what they were doing. Of course, I drifted off from time-to-time, but I was vaguely aware for the entirety. This made it easy to "wake up" after anesthesia and to not feel hungover or super nauseated afterward. I will say that it was a *little* weird to hear them hammering and breaking my nose. Yeeeeaaaaah. That part. And let's also not forget about the part when I said, "I LOVE YOU GUYS!" to all the nurses and doctor in the room. Ha, ha, HA! It was a bit like being terribly drunk. 

After surgery, they rolled me into recovery and asked me if I felt up to seeing my husband and three kids (they were waiting by that time in the waiting room). I said "YES!" and I was so happy to see them. The kids had a few questions which we explained in very factual terms. But I will talk about that more in a bit. Today is the day after surgery, and I have only taken Tylenol Extra-Strength (2) today for pain. I would say I'm at a level 2 for pain, and since throwing up one time this morning, I no longer have any nausea. I think the nausea was from the oxycodone and residual anesthesia. I also have no bruising or swelling, and I attribute that to icing occasionally and just not being one to bruise easily. Oddly enough, I feel quite pretty today. I even went into Starbucks with all my bandages on this morning. (Don't worry - my husband drove me!)

It is hard to tell right now how my nose will look with the splint still on the outside, but I can already tell it is more upturned and smaller, and there are no bumps on the bridge. And I feel SO. MUCH. HAPPIER. Seriously. I will keep you posted here about my nose's healing, and you can also follow along on Instagram as I tend to post there quite often. 

Now, About Those Boobs...

This decision can be summed up in two words: three babies. 

It's funny because I was one of those "anti-surgery" people...you know...before I actually needed it myself. I said there was no way (I thought) pregnancy would "destroy" my body, and I would exercise and take care of myself and return to the small (but perky!) boobs I had before babies. I thought women should age gracefully and embrace what their bodies had done as heroic and womanly. 

Well, um, yeah. That didn't happen. Sure, I lost the weight, and I know that is a great feat in itself after going through three 50-pound weight gains over the course of five years. I also had a miscarriage in-between babies 1 and 2 which made my second pregnancy seem to last like a million years (I got pregnant almost immediately after). 

SOMEWHAT MIRACULOUSLY I did not end up with any stretch marks on my belly. (Thanks, Grandma?) However, my once full A/small B breasts lost almost all volume after finishing breastfeeding and were said little mounds camped out on my bony expanse of a sternum. I've heard them referred to as tube socks, ziploc bags of mushroom soup, fried egg boobies, etc. etc. But yeah, whatever you call them, they were NOT what I had in mind for the rest of my life - not even close. And although I had mostly gotten over it, I have to admit that the thought was still in the back of my head that I would love to have my womanly shape back. (I got up to a DD while pregnant/nursing, and I didn't want to be THAT big since I am small-framed, but I wanted SOMETHING!)

So after searching several doctors in my area, I went on a couple consultations and decided on "the boob wizard," Dr. Aaron Gorin in Tualatin, Oregon. First, he responds to emails like...instantly. Even before I was his patient, he would respond to my questions within minutes of sending. I already felt good about that. When I met him in his office, he was super friendly and made me feel comfortable. I could tell he knew what he was doing, and he was honest and listened to my concerns/needs. 

He did not use digital imaging like some surgeons, but instead, he fitted me with a large bra and had me try on different implants. We are going with round, smooth, silicon implants inserted under the muscle and through openings on the underside of the breasts. As for size, I have not yet fully decided because I do want a natural look, but I am also a bit intrigued by the idea of going slightly larger. Ultimately, I hope to end up with about a small C-cup bra size as I feel like that's small enough to not overwhelm my frame but large enough to fill out a pretty bra or swimsuit top. I will make the final decision at my pre-op coming up in about two weeks. Surgery is scheduled for June 7. 

For reference, here's what I looked like before babies came on the scene (Thailand, November 2009 - notice all my endometriosis/ovarian cystectomy scars on the abdomen): 

And here I am while breastfeeding my first baby in 2011 - probably a small/average C:

And right after the birth of my third baby (probably DD+ and about 30 lbs heavier than currently):

Unfortunately, I don't have any current photos, but suffice it to say I am buying training bras/bralettes at Target that don't even have a cup designation. I would guess I am AA-A with a 34 band. I will try to get a photo before I post an actual before/after to give you a better idea, but I want to be sure I am not posting photos that I wouldn't post otherwise (think beach/pool photos, not shots of me in a bra or nude). After all, this is a sewing blog! Ha. 

So now for the big question...

What am I telling my kids? Specifically, my daughter...

We are telling her the truth. When I talked down the stairs the day of my nose surgery, my son greeted me at the bottom by excitedly saying, "Mommy, are you getting your nose cut off?!" Apparently my husband had explained the procedure to him, and that's how his almost-3-year-old brain interpreted it. I assured him that no, I was not getting my nose cut off. I had my daughter come over to touch the bumps on my nose and to feel how the tip droops down. I told her that I wanted to have the bumps and tip removed, and so a nice doctor was going to do that for me. I told her they would give me a shot just like she got at the dentist when she had a cavity filled, and it wouldn't hurt mommy. I told her she could drop me off and also be there when I was done to take care of me. 

Last night, she asked me if she would ever get surgery. I told her that most people get surgery for one thing or the other, sometimes because they need it, and sometimes because they choose it. I told her that would depend on what she needs and wants to do when she is a grown-up. She was happy with that answer. 

Harper is pretty familiar with my boobs as she nursed and also watched me feed both of her brothers. When I have my breast augmentation, I will simply tell her that some mommies choose to enlarge their breasts after having/feeding babies because they want to have larger/non-saggy breasts again - like before they had babies. We really are not going to make a big deal out of it and know that she won't, either. 

As for the effect that these decisions will have on HER body image, I can only say this - I would imagine that having her hear me complain and be unhappy about my breasts and nose for the rest of her life would be far more damaging than my being happy and confident with my body. For me to be able to take her to the pool in a flattering swimsuit and not feel the need to hide under a coverup or watch from the lounge area is a big deal. For me to WANT to be in family photos without fear of a profile shot of my nose is incredibly freeing. And for me to feel comfortable and happy wearing a nice top or dress on a date with my husband is a good thing. I want to be present and happy in my children's lives (not to mention confident with my husband), and I honestly see these procedures as helping me to get there. 

Well, that is all for now. I will post updates as my nose heals and after I undergo the breast augmentation. And again, you can follow along on Instagram. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments (keep it positive please) or on IG! A big XOXO to everyone who has already expressed their support. It means more than you know.